Hello Friends, this is a more serious blog post than normal.
Tonight I had an uncomfortable encounter with a stranger out
in public, as you do, as an awkward, socially inept, homebody. Whenever one of
these “encounters” occurs my basic response is to smile and laugh it off. Now, I
know I’m not alone in doing this but I don’t know why this is the body’s basic
go-to reaction to the unknown. Normally I have a pretty good read on the people who I meet out and
about. I can get a "good vibe" or a "bad vibe" from them and proceed from there.
Tonight I encountered a man who I definitely got a "bad vibe" from. Something was
off and he made me feel very uncomfortable. Of course, my first reaction was to
be polite, kindly answer his questions and listen to his ramblings with some
nods and short (“Yeah.” “Oh, that’s not good.”) responses but after a few
minutes I really just wanted to get away from him. Now this is where I get
completely baffled.
In my head I’m saying all of the things I want to say out
loud (“If you touch me I’ll rip your hand off and feed it to you.” “If you keep
looking at me like that I will set you on fire.” etc.) but my outward
appearance is frozen in that stupid accepting smile and I just want to know WHY.
Why am I so worried about showing my true feelings to a
complete stranger?
Am I worried that I’m overreacting to a seemingly harmless
encounter? Perhaps.
Am I worried about what he and everyone around me will
think? Possibly but if he’s really as much of a perverted creep as I think he
is I really don’t care what his opinion of me is.
It makes me angry, like insanely furious. I’m angry at myself
for not trusting my gut reaction enough to say “Okay, I’ve had enough and this
is going to stop” and actually voicing my discomfort. More importantly I’m
angry at this person for making me feel this way and putting me in this
situation in the first place. We all share space on this planet and it makes me
livid that some people feel they can intimidate others in a shared, public
space and get away with it. I’m sure I’m not the only person this man has
singled out and made to feel like their skin was crawling. What gives him and
all others like him the audacity to act that way in public? Why should they be
allowed to prey on people without facing consequences or being confronted?
I feel like this happens a lot and maybe not always just to
women. If you watch the infamous Sam Pepper YouTube videos the one thing most
people talk about is how uncomfortable the women seem but that they still continue
to laugh or smile so they don’t LOOK as upset as they actually are. WHY do we
do this?
Why do our bodies betray us this way? Is it because deep
down we still believe there’s good in everyone and we don’t want to jump to the
worst-case scenario when there could be another possible explanation?
I don’t know the answers to these questions but I wish I
did. I wish there was a switch I could turn on just for those “bad vibe people”
so they would realize I’m not just going to stand by and smile when they make
me uncomfortable. Maybe it will stop them from making others feel this way in
the future. That’s something I can at least work on.
Rant over.
Stay strong.
See you soon friends,
Lynn
