about detoxing my life

I’m finally at a place where I trust my own gut and I can tell myself “It’s not your fault”. All of the people who have hurt me have been tied to me by blood. Every single one. The blood we share is a slow acting poison, a terminal illness in our relationship. A ticking time bomb waiting to go off and destroy everything within its radius leaving nothing but an empty crater in its place. I trust myself. I have to because I know now that I can’t trust them. 

I went through the stages. I was confused, hurt, angry and now I’m so much stronger. What doesn’t kill you turns you. It turns you colder, harder and more vicious. I’m no longer someone who gets stepped on, walked on or used. I’m over that phase of my life. I am the most dangerous thing in this universe, something that has lost all trust and faith in others. I’m finally acknowledging my own power and trusting my own instincts. I’m not naive or innocent anymore. I recognize the lies, the manipulation others use to sway their victims and that’s one thing I’ll never be again. A victim. 

Growing up in my family I was always an outcast, a black sheep, a puzzle piece that didn’t quite fit. I was told over and over how “sweet” and “kind” and “loving” I was. I was that kid who felt what others feel, that avoided confrontation and unkind words to spare the feelings of others. I’m not that kid anymore. I realize now why I never fit in, why I was always just on the outskirts of my family…because I wasn’t like them and never would be. My family was nothing more than a facade, a mask to hide the true ugliness and evil that swarmed underneath like a pile of insects. Like those insects, that evil couldn’t be contained forever. It found a way to seep under the cracks and show it’s true form. I was lied to, threatened, terrified and isolated. I reached a rock bottom that I hadn’t known I could sink to but then the most amazing thing happened. On the cold, cruel shards of that rock bottom I stripped away the parts that weren’t me and I found myself. 

When someone is mentally unstable and does all they can to break you down…

When someone threatens your safety, your home and your stability…

When someone you love embraces the toxicity and turns against you…

you have absolutely no choice but to revaluate that relationship. 

I have no doubt that you’ll see this, that you’re reading it right now because that’s how your obsessive hatred works. I’m no longer hurt by what you’ve done, I’m no longer scarred by the words you spoke. I’ve reached a place where I’m finally at peace with who I am and what I’ve overcome. You can keep the memories we share. You can keep the pictures. You can have my past because you’ll have no part of my future. My future is mine. 

about monsters and mirrors.

Hello Friends! 

 

I'm in a bit of a foul mood today so I'll apologize in advance, but not for what I'm about to say. 

I’ve been seeing more and more stories in the news that just make my head spin. Sharks swimming in “residential backyards” and bears getting “too close” to children in quiet neighborhoods. However, the news is incredibly biased and one sided. No one mentions that the “residential backyard” the shark is swimming in is actually nothing more than a house that backs up onto a naturally formed ocean or that the child on the bike willingly followed the bear in order to get a good look at it. We seem to have forgotten that long before houses were built on the seaside, roads were paved and trees were chopped down to make room for us humans that animals have been here long before us.

In society today you hear a lot about “invasive species” that need to have their numbers reduced so that they don’t take over other environments and wipe out other species. However, no one takes notice of the most invasive and dangerous species that spreads and increases every year without much of a threat against them: humans. We’re the most invasive species. We move into an area and completely destroy all natural aspects around it. We chop down trees and pour asphalt over dirt and grass. We pollute water and air while “innovating” and “creating a better world” to live in. We willingly kill other species for sport and display their bodies like trophies.

When people’s actions become diabolical you often hear phrases such as “he/she’s an animal” or “they’re acting like animals” but this couldn’t be further from the truth. In the wild animals kill to survive, but in the world that we created we kill for fun.

People are capable of unimaginable cruelty to each other and any/every other species. We really don’t discriminate, at least when it comes to who we hurt. We abuse domestic animals in our own households and hunt wild animals to extinction all to prove that we’re the dominant species and for what? Does it make you feel better about yourself when you abuse a trusting animal? One that looks to you for food, water, shelter and love? Does it make you feel more empowered that an animal who's completely dependent on you for everything can bleed and cry because of your actions?

People aren’t animals, they’re monsters. They’re everything you grew up fearing in the dark and so much more. They kill, they lie, they destroy and worst of all they enjoy it and breed simply to teach future generations to do the same. If you’re looking for the most invasive species in the world that needs to be reduced look no further than your own mirror. 

See you soon friends, 

 Lynn

about encounters of the uncomfortable kind.

Hello Friends, this is a more serious blog post than normal. 

Tonight I had an uncomfortable encounter with a stranger out in public, as you do, as an awkward, socially inept, homebody. Whenever one of these “encounters” occurs my basic response is to smile and laugh it off. Now, I know I’m not alone in doing this but I don’t know why this is the body’s basic go-to reaction to the unknown. Normally I have a pretty good read on the people who I meet out and about. I can get a "good vibe" or a "bad vibe" from them and proceed from there. Tonight I encountered a man who I definitely got a "bad vibe" from. Something was off and he made me feel very uncomfortable. Of course, my first reaction was to be polite, kindly answer his questions and listen to his ramblings with some nods and short (“Yeah.” “Oh, that’s not good.”) responses but after a few minutes I really just wanted to get away from him. Now this is where I get completely baffled.

In my head I’m saying all of the things I want to say out loud (“If you touch me I’ll rip your hand off and feed it to you.” “If you keep looking at me like that I will set you on fire.” etc.) but my outward appearance is frozen in that stupid accepting smile and I just want to know WHY.

Why am I so worried about showing my true feelings to a complete stranger?

Am I worried that I’m overreacting to a seemingly harmless encounter? Perhaps.

Am I worried about what he and everyone around me will think? Possibly but if he’s really as much of a perverted creep as I think he is I really don’t care what his opinion of me is.

It makes me angry, like insanely furious. I’m angry at myself for not trusting my gut reaction enough to say “Okay, I’ve had enough and this is going to stop” and actually voicing my discomfort. More importantly I’m angry at this person for making me feel this way and putting me in this situation in the first place. We all share space on this planet and it makes me livid that some people feel they can intimidate others in a shared, public space and get away with it. I’m sure I’m not the only person this man has singled out and made to feel like their skin was crawling. What gives him and all others like him the audacity to act that way in public? Why should they be allowed to prey on people without facing consequences or being confronted?

I feel like this happens a lot and maybe not always just to women. If you watch the infamous Sam Pepper YouTube videos the one thing most people talk about is how uncomfortable the women seem but that they still continue to laugh or smile so they don’t LOOK as upset as they actually are. WHY do we do this?

Why do our bodies betray us this way? Is it because deep down we still believe there’s good in everyone and we don’t want to jump to the worst-case scenario when there could be another possible explanation?

I don’t know the answers to these questions but I wish I did. I wish there was a switch I could turn on just for those “bad vibe people” so they would realize I’m not just going to stand by and smile when they make me uncomfortable. Maybe it will stop them from making others feel this way in the future. That’s something I can at least work on. 

Rant over. 

Stay strong. 

See you soon friends,

Lynn

Hogwarts is her home

Hello Friends!

This is something that I’ve been wanting to do for a while. Let me introduce you into my crazy, obsessive hoard of Harry Potter related merchandise or, in other words, welcome to my Harry Potter collection!

I want to start off by saying that this is my personal collection, which I have been growing for about 13 years now. I am in no way trying to brag about the things that I own. I just wanted to share with you my obsession that started when I was 11 years old and that I’ve carried with me ever since.

A lot of these things were gifts that I am most grateful for. This is just a fraction of what I have collected over the years. I have more things in boxes, tucked away in the dark but these were the things that I had in my bedroom, so you can only imagine how much of a fanatic I am. One day I would love to have a room in my remote, forest-dwelling castle where I can display my love of all things Harry Potter. 

I chose not to include the Harry Potter books or movies because, let’s be honest, you all know that I have those and that I read and watch them repeatedly. That’s just what a true fanatic does.

Fun Fact: a box of my Harry Potter things was once put out in a yard sale and no one bought any of it. I was extremely thrilled because that meant that I got to hold on to it since “no one wanted it”.

I told you this bag would reappear, or should I say apparate, in a future blog post.

I’ve been using this bag all summer long and I have to say that it’s one of my favorites. It definitely holds a lot and I love the slouchy, casual feel of the canvas.

This Flourish and Blotts bag is something that I cherish. I’ve only used it once or twice because I’m worried about damaging it. The fabric is pretty thin but it’s a lovely bag for those rare occasions when you want to dress up or show your support for Diagon Alley.

My Aunt Terri bought me this wallet for my 24th birthday but I didn’t get to include it in my birthday blog post. This wallet is so unique, it looks like a Hogwarts trunk and it even says Hogwarts Alumni on the inside. It’s really well made and sturdy. Also, I really appreciate the little wrist strap so you can carry it alone instead of lugging your entire purse around. This wallet goes so well with my owl messenger bag. They look like they were made for each other. I left my Ulta card in there because it matched perfectly and I thought it was just too cute.

This scarf is such a cool piece to have. It’s a nice thick, knit scarf that will definitely keep you warm but I also love the colors and the Gryffindor crest. I wore this in the cold winter months to see one of the movies and it really did its job. I was warm and festive all at the same time.

These rings actually came from a package of cupcakes that my mom and I bought one day. I kept them because how can you not? They’re cute but cheap and they don’t fit my fingers. I just like the way they look.

I got this necklace from Hot Topic, I think. I love the Deathly Hallows symbol and I wanted one like the one Xenophilius Lovegood wore in the movie but this was the only one that I could find. I like it because I think it’s a symbol most Potterheads would recognize in an instant and it stands for so much. The Tale of the Three Brothers is such an incredible story on it’s own and I love the way that it was depicted in the film.

Do you guys remember when Silly Bands were big? I definitely do. I had my mom help me collect these even though they aren’t cool anymore. I love the simplicity of them and how they work still baffles me.

My lovely boyfriend bought me my first real wand. I own the wand of Sirius Black, one of my all time favorite characters. It has a lot of detail in the handle. There are symbols or runes set into each side. I really like the box it came in because it has the name of the wizard on the end and I can just picture it sitting in Ollivander’s waiting for its owner to pick it up.

My boyfriend also bought me this mug that changes in hot or cold temperatures. On the front there is an image of Hogwarts lit up by an orange glow but on the back you can only see the words The Wizarding World of Harry Potter if you look closely. When you add a hot or cold liquid to this mug the words will magically appear.

The next greatest weapon to the wand would have to be the sword, right? Godric Gryffindor’s sword of course and yes I do own one. Years ago I picked one up in Toys R Us and I’m slightly ashamed to admit that I still have it to this day. It’s actually a really detailed toy for something made out of plastic. The batteries have long since run out but if you were to replace them the sword would make swishing and clanging noises when you push a button. This sword plays such a major part in the movies that I would love to have a real one to hang on my wall but maybe it’s safer if I just stick to this plastic one.

I was a very “creative” child growing up so this next piece is definitely one of a kind. I decided one day to recreate one of the magical Flying Keys. I have to say I’m quite proud of it and it’s one of only a few of my creations that I’ve managed to keep for years without being ashamed of. I’ve said farewell to a few failed attempts at potions and such as they slowly made their way to the trash but I’ve always held on to this one particular piece. I love it and I keep it on my shelf to remind me of that weird little girl I started out as.

My Grandma picked up these stamps for me at our local post office. Each stamp is a character and scene from the movies and I love the castle on the back.

It reads “Just before his eleventh birthday, a boy received a letter that would change his life…and captivate the imaginations of fans for generations.”

This was me all decked out in Harry Potter gear for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1.

In 2011, Christa, Bunky, Chris and I all made a trip to New York City to see the Harry Potter Exhibition. It was one of the coolest things that I have ever experienced. We were able to pull up mandrakes, score a few goals with a Quaffle and see the props and costumes up close. It was so much fun and just an all around great experience that I’m glad we were able to have. 

While we were there we visited the gift shop and I picked out a bookmark with Harry on it and The Monster Book of Monsters plushie. 

The Monster Book of Monsters is quite cute in its harmless, stuffed stage and if you pull its tongue it will slowly pull it back in while shaking. I love books but I’m not sure if I’d be willing to read one of these guys, they seem a bit too aggressive for my taste.

On the other hand, this bookmark is very much my taste. I’ve used it in countless books and it always holds my page perfectly. Thanks Harry!

This was Christa and I all decked out in our handmade Team Harry t-shirts for Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2. We were really proud of our Gryffindor red and gold eye shadow.

Again, these are just some bits and bobs from my collection. One day I would love to show you the rest but I would have to clear some major space and do some digging. Maybe when I obtain that castle in the forest but until then…

See you soon friends,

Lynn

about the past 9 years :)

Hello Friends!

August 22^nd has a very special meaning to me. Why, you might ask? Well that’s easy, it just so happens to be the day that the love of my life and I first started dating.

I received these beautiful roses from my better half and I was feeling a bit nostalgic so I thought I’d share with you the story of how we first met and a few little bits and bobs from the past 9 years of our relationship. I’ll try not to make it as cheesy or boring as it sounds, I promise. Plus, there will be embarrassing, awkward coming of age pictures, how could you pass that up?

 

We met in 2005, at a restaurant in Florida. I was 15 and he was 16. He was a bus boy and I was a customer. He held the door for me and I have to say I fell for him, even in his horrible Hawaiian shirt that he was required to wear.

One of our first conversations was of him just insulting my CD collection while we sat awkwardly and as far as possible from one another on my mom’s couch. We’ve come a long way since then, though he still doesn’t like my choice in music much.

The first picture taken of us as a couple in 2005

We’ve been through some hard times. It definitely wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Of course we fight, we get on each other’s nerves, we take each other for granted and we let little things get in the way but we’ve come so far and we’ve learned so much. I don’t think without those bad times we’d be able to fully appreciate the good ones. We know each other better now, we can exchange thoughts with just a look across a room or a smile or an eyebrow lift. We’re better, we’re stronger and we’re still trying. There are so many times we could have called it quits just to make it simple or easy but we didn’t.

While going through old photos and documents on my laptop I came across these notes I’d written to him. When we first started dating I would write him poems and love notes for every month we were together, I guess I was a bit of a romantic…or just really obsessive. Either way he must have liked it because he didn’t run off screaming.

Our favorite picture of us taken in 2005

My mom actually took this picture of us and one day I would like to recreate it. In a way it kind of became the profile picture for our relationship and we both agree that it’s one of our favorites.

For our 5^th anniversary Chris surprised me with a puzzle made out of this photo (that I still need to have framed) and he also gave me this lovely poem plaque that sits on my shelf next to our pictures. 

 

He was also sneaky and planned a trip for us to New York City. We ate dinner in an expensive, rotating restaurant with an amazing view and went to see The Phantom of the Opera, which of course, was incredible.

Us at a fancy dinner in New York for our 5 year anniversary in 2010

 

Last year for our 8^th anniversary I made him this collage of us throughout the years. 

It still amazes me how young we were when we met and how much we’ve changed over the years. I’m so lucky to share my life with someone I grow closer to each year instead of growing apart.

I honestly think that it was just down to fate that we met. We both lived in the same town, went to the same school a year apart and yet never met until the day I walked into that restaurant. We could have crossed paths at any time and we probably wouldn’t have given each other a second glace. I believe in luck, I believe in fate and I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe we found each other because we were meant to. We’ve been through crazy family drama, sad times and the deaths of loved ones, a move alone across the East Coast and we’re still in love and we’re still together.

We were goofy, awkward teenagers when we started dating and now we’re goofy awkward 20 something’s. Not much has changed there.  

Us at dinner for our 9 year anniversary in 2014

 

I’m not going anywhere. I’m in it for the long haul. I want to grow old with him so I can tease him about his memory loss and his wheezy laugh. Then again, I do that now ;)

See you soon friends,

 Lynn