I’m finally at a place where I trust my own gut and I can tell myself “It’s not your fault”. All of the people who have hurt me have been tied to me by blood. Every single one. The blood we share is a slow acting poison, a terminal illness in our relationship. A ticking time bomb waiting to go off and destroy everything within its radius leaving nothing but an empty crater in its place. I trust myself. I have to because I know now that I can’t trust them.
I went through the stages. I was confused, hurt, angry and now I’m so much stronger. What doesn’t kill you turns you. It turns you colder, harder and more vicious. I’m no longer someone who gets stepped on, walked on or used. I’m over that phase of my life. I am the most dangerous thing in this universe, something that has lost all trust and faith in others. I’m finally acknowledging my own power and trusting my own instincts. I’m not naive or innocent anymore. I recognize the lies, the manipulation others use to sway their victims and that’s one thing I’ll never be again. A victim.
Growing up in my family I was always an outcast, a black sheep, a puzzle piece that didn’t quite fit. I was told over and over how “sweet” and “kind” and “loving” I was. I was that kid who felt what others feel, that avoided confrontation and unkind words to spare the feelings of others. I’m not that kid anymore. I realize now why I never fit in, why I was always just on the outskirts of my family…because I wasn’t like them and never would be. My family was nothing more than a facade, a mask to hide the true ugliness and evil that swarmed underneath like a pile of insects. Like those insects, that evil couldn’t be contained forever. It found a way to seep under the cracks and show it’s true form. I was lied to, threatened, terrified and isolated. I reached a rock bottom that I hadn’t known I could sink to but then the most amazing thing happened. On the cold, cruel shards of that rock bottom I stripped away the parts that weren’t me and I found myself.
When someone is mentally unstable and does all they can to break you down…
When someone threatens your safety, your home and your stability…
When someone you love embraces the toxicity and turns against you…
you have absolutely no choice but to revaluate that relationship.
I have no doubt that you’ll see this, that you’re reading it right now because that’s how your obsessive hatred works. I’m no longer hurt by what you’ve done, I’m no longer scarred by the words you spoke. I’ve reached a place where I’m finally at peace with who I am and what I’ve overcome. You can keep the memories we share. You can keep the pictures. You can have my past because you’ll have no part of my future. My future is mine.
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